uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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