3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
