So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
