A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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