Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
