her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
