I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We left an ass print on the piano.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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