Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
