I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this will be a night to untag.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
