her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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