Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
