i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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