All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
