just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
