Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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