I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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