i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
