i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Congratulations! We have a period
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