I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
