he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
