a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
