I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
