Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
