What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
