I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
