laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
