I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
