Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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