I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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