forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Success! We fucked roommates!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
