Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
