Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
