I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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