Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who died my cat blue again?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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