if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
