do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
