this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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