dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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