And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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