I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
