all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
