I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
