My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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