I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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