Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
