i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm gonna have a badass scar
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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