What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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