Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
