dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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