you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
