In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
